i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
