its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
