How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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