those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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