We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
