He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
