Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
