Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
