I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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