i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
