I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
