You made me cry and you don't even care
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
