is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
