cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
