Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
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He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
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my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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