What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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