you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
