So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
