i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
