I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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