but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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