Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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