I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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