Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
