I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
All the doctor said was why
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
