All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i need to put some appletini on your dick
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
