She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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