$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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