this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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