she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
