i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
they're like a gay fantastic four
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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