her vagine was all disorganized.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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