yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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