i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
