We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
