you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize