giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
