Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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