Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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