If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize