I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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