I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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