I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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