Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
