I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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