so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
