Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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