hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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