Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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