Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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