I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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