i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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