He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
