I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize