I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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