You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
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