Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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