Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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