the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
