Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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