No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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