I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
