Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
