In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
