just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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