So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
