your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
