one might say we're banned from that church
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
