Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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