He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
