He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
