I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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